My first STD was from a foam party
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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