...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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