Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
