I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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