and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
