Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
