happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
