i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
