please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
