the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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