captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize