tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
