is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
