Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
