I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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