if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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