just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
