Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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