I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
