Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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