I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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