I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
