One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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