have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
