so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just threw up on my dentist
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
