it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
