I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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