Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
