i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Are we still banned from the library?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
