did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
