I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
my being single is dangerous.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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