If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
