I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
