I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
