Already got asked if we're dating
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
