Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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