Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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