my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
nutella sex= disaster
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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