Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
