I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
