Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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