Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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