I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
