This girl is more easily done than said...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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