im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
