apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
