bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
