The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
