dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
