I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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