My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
