If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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