TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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