***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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