I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
