Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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