I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
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its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
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Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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