super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
