i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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