trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
