I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
