i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
