what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
