I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
