Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
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