This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
