love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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