we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
