If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
