So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
