just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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