i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
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Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
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I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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