U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
