this beer tastes like vomit already
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
