just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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