Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
