last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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