We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize