You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
